To love is to leave yourself hanging.

                     You don't think of yourself, can't even bother to. All attention diverted to your partner. When you buy for yourself, you think twice, thrice or quadruple times! And it so amazing that when you buy for your partner, you don't even need to think, even once! It's amazing that love will do this to a once very selfish person like you. 

Indeed, love is like that. But only at first.

                    You may leave yourself hanging at first, but you will get back at the right track in the long run. Let's use myself as an example. At first I strongly felt the same way. Definitely I lost myself to love. But it is also love who brought me back to myself again. If you know what I mean. It's definitely hard to explain, but I am doing it for the sake of sharing. Losing balance, straying off from the right path, forsaking your own safety and needs - these have been happening to me. Every now and then. Yet I improved significantly. I have been grasping things every now and then, looking for my own balance, finding it, losing it, finding it, endless cycle. I know I am a sucker at balancing. Well the balance here is the weight of my love to myself compared to my partner. It is like being stupid to being wise; being fool to being clever.

                       So this balance I've been stressing off for a while really matters a lot. Let's say perhaps my love for my partner is taking up so much space in my heart that the love for myself got only 2%, what do you think would happen to me if my dearest partner leave me? The answer will be: my world will crumble. I intently use the word 'will' cause I am pretty sure about this if this was my case. And it did happen for a week indeed. But after the crumbling of my world, and my balance set at point zero, everything turned out well eventually. A proof that there is a rainbow after the rain. My world didn't exactly fix itself. Some pieces are lost and I know they are finding their way back. Some are totally gone, known by instinct. But everything goes naturally, nothing could go back to perfect once broken.

                     In simple words, that was the first time my heart did break.  I mean it literally because I can feel needles, a thousand or more needles piercing in my heart. That tiny little awful pain in your heart repeating again and again when you are hurt, or when you reminisce every bad moment in your whole relationship. Again, can you see now the importance of balance? Yes fucking balance. Well the most I could do if I put it into mathematical statements: I would love my partner 70% and myself 30%. However, it only applies in this world, externally. But in my world? I love myself and my partner without numbers, and I dare to say infinitely. I believe my heart, and every heart is bottomless, with a space extending beyond our body, beyond the realms of the unknown. Love is all around us. It is the nucleus of every matter and energy, chemically, scientifically, and biologically speaking. 

Isn't it nice? To strongly believe in something. You, do you have a proposition? :)

No comments: