Blabberings.

Love and Happiness

by Ren Concha

needle-like things piercing through my heart,

enough for separating my body and soul apart.

you know what it means when its life and death

slowly, gradually, rapidly taking away my breath.

is this what you call pain or is it some other feeling

in crowd you smile as if the ache is not even hurting

smiling, laughing, wishing someone would save you

inside the cage, crying, shouting, someone would free you

where is the key to eternal happiness

does it even exist in this darkness

loving someone wouldn't mean happiness

it also means being trapped in darkness

If Only
by Ren Concha

empty body walking dead

all the tears she shed

for him it's nothing

for her it's everything

giving him yourself in a hundred percent

being loved by him is zero percent

when is it fair, when is it mutual

happy, sad, pain, what an endless cycle

just how lucky are some to find their someone

who would answer their heart's call

just how miserable she is with her only one

who would never be his one and only at all.

if only our hearts can be taught

if only happiness could be bought

money would just be everything

no need for love cause its nothing

There is something in his eyes I wish to know. Everything’s changing I know, but my gut feelings are telling me that’s it’s for worse. This is what I fear – to know that his love for me is actually fading and for worst, without him himself realizing that. I am scared for that day to come, when I will ask the blue skies where his love has gone, where his eyes are looking, and for whom is he breathing now for? …

Who am I to begin with? What in me is supposed to likable eh? I can never be the kind of girlfriend he would ever like. I don’t know what’s supposed to do when in a relationship. Having no experience whatsoever, I admit, all the faults are on my side. The only thing I could do, whether wrong or right is to love, love, and love.

I cannot see but I can feel that this wouldn’t be everlasting as I would hope. He is definitely blooming. He is looking good, and better, Before I know it, he would be at his best. And for that matter, I can’t look at him.

There comes the time I pity myself. Any man won’t even glance with an ugly fat girl like me. Moreover, I know I cannot satisfy anyone in bed because I’m not that attractive and I don't have the stamina to go for rounds. I hate to be compared, but here am I comparing myself from his previous girlfriend. I would never ever be as good and as cunning like her when it comes to bed. HAHA
.
Seeing merely his looks changing little by little makes me question myself. Do I deserve this guy? Does he deserve someone like me? When in fact, I’m just a 15 year old girl who is merely lost in her huge dreams? I can tell. His eyes are telling me, I am not the type of girl he would be serious with for long. He even doesn’t like to talk with me about his future plans etcetera. But nonsense, since he would just deny it, and much worse, he really doesn’t know it, yet…

Seriously, when will I come to back to my sanity and stop clinging onto this man? When will I stop this craziness and let this man go? When will I finally accept that I was really never meant for him to begin with? When in reality I just snatched him from his previous woman? When will this madness end? And goodness gracious, when will a miracle happen? A miracle that we could and would be together despite all the odds…

Final thought eh? I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME …

Dito ko na lang sasabihin. Magkukubli na lamang ako sa likod mga salita. Mga salitang saksi ng bawat sakit at kabiguan. Mga salitang tanging nakakaalam na ang tapang na ipinakita ko ay balatkayo lang. Mga salitang katumbas ay luha.

Ang sabi mo kagabi babawi ka. Naghintay ako. Walang ibang laman ang isip ko buong maghapon kundi ikaw. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito ay naghihintay ako na magparamdam ka. Ngunit sadya nga talagang kinalimutan mo na ako. Ano nga lang ba ako para sa'yo? Isang dakilang nagmamahal lang. Kahit pa sasabihin kong hindi ako humihingi ng kapalit, umaasam pa rin ako na susuklian mo ang pagmamahal ko para sa'yo.

Lalo lamang nadagdagan ang takot ko ngayong wala na ang dahilan upang manatili ka. Ang pinanghahawakan ko na lang ngayon ay ang pangako mo. Pero hindi ba, promises are meant to be broken? Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka nananahimik ngayon?

Kung aalis ka man sa buhay ko, magpaalam ka naman sana. Kasi masakit ang patuloy na umasa sa wala. Alam mo iyon. Minsan mo nang pinagdaanan iyon. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano mo nagagawang balewalain ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Pero siguro, hindi ako kasing-espesyal o kasing importante para sa'yo.

Nasasaktan ako ngayon. Umasa ako na dadamayan mo ako sa pinagdadaanan ko. Nais ko sanang marinig ang boses mo upang kahit paano ay gumaan man lang ang nararamdamang kong bigat ng dibdib ko pero wala ka. Siguro nga, kinalimutan mo na ako. Paano mo nagagawa iyon? Maaari mo ba akong turuan? Nang sa ganon ay makalimutan ko rin na nasasaktan ako dahil sa'yo.

-masakit nanaman.. Hindi ko lam kung nakakarelate ba ako. Pero hnd ko alam talaga. Masakit lang. Dama ko lang ung sakit nung nagsulat nito.. :'(

Maari ba kitang yayain sa isang natatanging paglalakbay pabalik sa aking nakaraan? Isang yugto sa aking buhay kung kailan nagmahal din ako at nasaktan. Isang kahapong humubog sa kung sino at ano ako ngayon.

Nais kong ipakilala sa'yo ang aking sarili. Upang maintindihan mo na hindi ako dating ganito. Iniisip mo siguro na wala na akong ibang alam gawin kundi ang umiyak at maging mahina. Umaasa akong sa pagbabalik natin sa aking nakaraan ay makikita mong naging matapang din ako. Na hindi ako laging mahina. Na minsan ay nagtiwala din ako ng lubos ngunit ako ay nabigo. Na minsan ay ibinigay ko ang aking puso sa isang lalaki at umasa ako sa pangako niya.

Kung nakilala mo siguro ako noon at naitanong mo sa akin kung ano ang kahulugan ng salitang "forever", iisang pangalan lang ang isasagot ko sa'yo. Ang pangalan niya. Ngunit napagtanto kong ang "forever" pala ay hindi totoo. Minsan pa nga ay ginagamit lamang ang salitang ito upang magbigay ng isang pangakong walang katuparan. Walang katotohanan at walang kasiguraduhan.

Sana sa pagbabalik natin sa aking nakaraan ay naiintindihan mo na ako. Kung bakit ako ganito ngayon. Kung bakit natatakot akong mawala ka sa akin o kaya ay magsawa kang intindihin ang kakaibang takbo ng aking utak. Natatakot akong mapapagod ka sa paghihintay ng aking pagbabalik. Palagi akong insecure hindi dahil nagdududa ako sa pag-ibig mo, kundi dahil nagdududa ako sa kakayahan kong mapasaya ka. Sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko, pag-ibig mo na lang ang natitirang magandang bagay sa buhay ko.

Hindi na ako naniniwala sa "forever" ngayon. Ang pinaniniwalaan ko na lang ay ang puso ko. Dahil palaging sinasabi nito na mahal kita. Madalas kumukontra ang isip ko pati na ang mga tao sa paligid ko. Pero hindi nadidiktahan ng sinuman ang bawat tibok at bawat pintig dahil lahat ng iyon ay para sa'yo na.

At kung tatanungin mo ako ngayon kung gaano kita kamahal. Iisa lang ang isasagot ko sa'yo. I love you more than all of me. More than every breath. More than every heartbeat. Umaasa akong ganon ka din. Sana.

- nalungkot ako nung binasa ko yan.. Hehe. Dama ko talaga ang sakit. Dama ko yung paghihirap. Dama ko yung pagmamahal. Maging ako umaasa 

In Silence

by Ren Concha

You are the reason of my happiness.

As well as the subject of my weakness.

I know I am to blame of my own sadness.

But poor me, I don't know what to do next.

During sad times, I'm trying my best to smile.

But for now let me just be true for a while.

Like alice in wonderland, I'm drown in my tears.

Oh I hope you are here helping me conquer my fears.

Like the thin wind that blows upon my hair.

In dark shadows where I wish you still care.

Clashes of thunders, storm of tears raining.

Pain and everything I am silently screaming.

Promise
by Ren Concha

I was so empty before, till you came.

You filled me up with the love that was never the same.

You made me feel like everything is in place.

Funny how my love for you grew just in days.

Baby come on, hold my hand and never let go.

I wanna let you know again and again that I love you so.

Babe we're going on a journey just the two of us

Let's make every moment and the magic last

The pain and the sorrow, I can take it.

As long as you're with me, I can make it.

And when promises are meant to be broken.

Promise me you'll never love me again.

Just a few moments ago,

I’ve called you.

And when you said hello,

I became a statue.

I never imagined that I really have missed you.

Never thought it was so true.

If only you knew,

how hard this pain I’ve been goin through.

Second by second that I’m hearing your voice,

made me stand up from my seat and get a tissue.

For I look like an idiot crying in rejoice,

now wiping these tears, thinking of going to you.

As if we were in a fairytale, fighting in full scale.

Making our dreams come true, making us breakthrough.

All throughout I just want you to know that this tale,

would never ever end even with a simple I love you.

-Ren

Badly Missing You the 4th
by Ren Concha

It ’s so refreshing to my eye,

that I can't help but cry.

Because it's 7:30 am and I can't see you,

no presence at all, no hi, no hello, no you.

I was looking for you.

I was searching for you.

But we are miles away,

that I couldn't accept this way.

Sometimes I asked myself if there's really forever,

then I remembered those times we've been together.

While reminiscing those memories, I’ve come to know the funny answer.

It is being with you is the meaning of my forever.

Now how I wish I could see you,

for my soul is getting bluer and blue.

Without you I’m terribly terrified,

and gotta be ok if you were just by my side.

Thinking of what to do, I sit down in my chair.

I get the calendar and count the days.

I counted and counted, till then I wasn't aware,

that tears were falling so fast as if there was a race.

Soon as I noticed, I wiped these tears streaming in my face.

Then I remembered how you wiped my tears from those days.

I was so freaking hurt coz I want you again to wipe these tears,

how I hope you were here to stop these conquering fears

I was crying so hard that even my breath can’t take place…

I was so scared, so afraid, so much that I need your embrace...

-Ren

Badly Missing You

by Ren Concha

As I open my eyes from sleep,

I saw no you that made me weep.

Those days that we both spend together,

is long gone just fast as a feather.

Now my heart aches so badly.

As I feel so broken and lonely.

I hate it, today and tomorrow.

As I continue to feel this sorrow.

And at this very second I’m crying and it's all because I love you too much.

I am so weak and vulnerable that I want and absolutely need to feel your touch,

to the point that I’m so helpless that I can't restrain myself from missing you.

And this drives me insane that I want to spend every single day of my life with you.

I miss you!

Torment of a Night

by Ren Concha

Love at first sight

Enjoy at one night

Trust of the foolish woman

Disgust of the playful man

A loitering shadow

Reflection near the window

Fantasies at dark

Fire with no spark

Tormented Soul

Blackening Charcoal

Jinx and Hades

Cutters and Blades

My Queen

by Ren Concha

You are my queen

In our castle unseen

Only the two of us is the king

In the kingdom we are dreaming

Be at ease, Our dream will come true

I know you'll love it I promise you

Harmony and peace we will experience

Love in the atmosphere at silence

Those days are soon my queen

As for now I'm your servant whom you can lean

Be carefree and rule me my mighty love

For I'm forever yours my love

Sorry not Sorry

by Ren Concha

I don't know why but I can't feel it.

No spark, no flame, all pieces won't fit.

It's plain emptiness like in space.

It is the truth, puzzling, like in maze.

I hate that truth, for it is confusing me.

But everything isn't going smooth, it's tiring me.

So don't blame me if I walked away, closing my eyes.

I have to leave you astray and break our ties.

Yes, I'm Sorry, but I can't dig deeper, I can't do it.

I can't make up a lie and make you fall for it.

I like you, you are like my sister but that's all.

Nothing more than that, nothing at all.

Ika'y Sa Akin, Ako'y Sayo, Ngayon at Magpakailanman
by Ren Concha

Alam kong hindi ako pinagbigyan ng tadhana.

Pero ito ako ngayon, hinding-hindi na mawawala.

Sa mata mo, sa tabi mo, sa utak mo, at sa puso mo.

Mananatili akong tapat at mapagmahal sa iyo.

Ika'y sa akin, ako'y sayo, ngayon at magpakailanman.

Korny, Cheesy, kahit ano pang sabihin mo,

Sana'y umabot ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo.

Labis na katotohanan lamang ang aking sinasambit.

Labis na pagsusuyo ang taglay ng aking awit.

Pagkatandaan mo, ika'y sa akin, ako'y sayo, ngayon at magpakailanman.

Hindi ko sasabihing iaalay ko ang langit at mga bituin sa iyo.

Dahil simula't sapul hindi ito naging at magiging akin.

Sana'y mabigyan mo pa ako ng pagkakataon na iparamdam sa iyo,

Kung gaano kita kamahal at gaano ka kahalaga sa akin.

Muli, ika'y sa akin, ako'y sayo, ngayon at magpakailanman.

I seek adventure, I seek action, but what I found is romance.

I want to run, I want to escape, but destiny left me no chance.

I'm bound to this rusty chain, now I've become a prisoner of love.

I want to go, stop, be free, soar beautifully like a dove.

But life is crazy, so insane, now slowly I become madly in love.

Without knowing, I'm giving all that I have

But gradually, your presence is drifting away from me.

I'm afraid, I'm scared, now, I don't want to be free.

Being a prisoner doesn't matter to me anymore

But why, what are you leaving for?

Suddenly you left, next I'm free... now I feel so empty.

Crap fate, the hell with destiny...

by Ren Concha

Remove this sweet poison within me

Come, destroy this chain binding me

Unleash the hidden power inside you

Reign then come, take me to you

Make your mind wander to the farthest of the farthest

Make your heart beat with the rate of the fastest of the fastest

Come, climb, crawl, like an almighty scorpion

Don't stop, don't give up, just come and be my greatest possession.

Now hold my hand, don't dare let me go

I'll be gone, for sure you'll be a man of sorrow

Those power, those efforts and actions you made,

Will just be a part of our little and sweet serenade.

by Ren Concha

Im not a plaything.

(poem-version)

by Ren Concha

make me fall for you a million times

make my heart beat for you a billion times

make me smile for eternity

make me live in serenity

i won't fall for you so fast

but i expect you will last

i won't play hard to get either

i promise I won't be a bother

just prove me I made a right choice

let me know im not one of your toys

make a vow, dont mess with me

make a promise, don't joke with me

i'd rather smash this feeling to bits

than to be with you as a plaything

and i won't think twice i'll call it quits.

than to spend the rest of my life hoping.

by Ren