Love and Happiness

Love and Happiness
by Ren Concha

needle-like things piercing through my heart,
enough for separating my body and soul apart.
you know what it means when its life and death
slowly, gradually, rapidly taking away my breath.

is this what you call pain or is it some other feeling
in crowd you smile as if the ache is not even hurting
smiling, laughing, wishing someone would save you
inside the cage, crying, shouting, someone would free you

where is the key to eternal happiness
does it even exist in this darkness
loving someone wouldn't mean happiness
it also means being trapped in darkness

If only

If Only
by Ren Concha

empty body walking dead
all the tears she shed
for him it's nothing
for her it's everything

giving him yourself in a hundred percent
being loved by him is zero percent
when is it fair, when is it mutual
happy, sad, pain, what an endless cycle

just how lucky are some to find their someone
who would answer their heart's call
just how miserable she is with her only one
who would never be his one and only at all.

if only our hearts can be taught
if only happiness could be bought
money would just be everything
no need for love cause its nothing

tomorrow i want to go to the beach

Tomorrow I want to go to the Beach
by Ren Concha

tomorrow i want to go to the beach
want to watch the waves of the sea
to witness the rise and set of the sun
and feel the flow of energy within me

my, isn't it a lovely feeling
peaceful and calm wind breezing
telling you life is a paradise
wherein reality is full of lies

fool are we trying to explore
something we couldn't reach
imaginations upon beyond seashore
remains imaginations even after death

endless rebellion inside us
war within ourselves
weak and fragile like glass
couldn't resist harshness of fate

tomorrow i want to go to the beach
continue living in illusions
believing beyond is what i imagine it to be
and so achieve happiness through imaginations

Growing up: College

There were so many changes in my life since I migrated here in Philippines. It's inevitable but why so sudden and rapid?

I'm currently studying in University of Santo Thomas, 1st Year Legal Management Student in the Faculty of Arts and Letters, and this is all for my ambition to become a lawyer. Rather than just a dream, I'm walking forward and surpassing all trials to attain it, I think? I honestly admit I'm not doing my best or rather I never had done my best. Elementary or High School, and nothing changes even now that I'm in college. I'm grade conscious and all but it feels like I can't give it my all. I don't know why but I'm not really studying, yet my grades are still good. I am not bragging but rather I'm guilty. I do not deserve these grades, that's what I honestly feel. Coming home from school, I rarely open my books and do my assignments, I just read manga, watch anime and dramas, and facebook all the time. I feel like I'm cheating. Honestly. Oh well, that's for my academic life.

On the other hand, I became a loner. Not exactly alone, I do have friends and all, but I don't feel them. I'm stuck with my old friends whom I all met in my former hometown, Jeddah Saudi Arabia. There's no bond at all at right now. I still feel alone. I feel unwanted. It's like no one understands me. I wonder if there's such thing as a barrier that hinders me from being understood by others. Well, total opposite in the online world. I do have many friends. Many adores me, many admires me, many tries to steal my heart, but it isn't enough. That's why I deactivated my account which gave me those feelings. I'd rather invest time and effort on making friends here in the real world. But I guess it isn't just for me, having best friends that is. Oh well, that's for my social life.

Boyfriend eh? All-in-one man. He's my best friend, my boyfriend, my soon-to-be-husband. The only reason why I still have my sanity here in this country is because of him. But really, problems would never stop coming. My relationship is DAMN forbidden. I hate that part really. And so moving on, imagine living in a country where neither your parents or siblings are. How lonely, since I grew up with them. Imagine living in a house where even if the persons living there are your own  family are all depressed. No comes a day where there no lectures or sermons or no one is angry. It's very different from the environment I used to live in. I was never confronted with the harshness of life and money till I lived here. I rarely felt the problems, like life is problematic and such. I lived in a half-paradise before, but I dare say, I live in a half-hell environment now. Oh well, that's my love and family life.

My blog life, I am rarely posting, but I'm trying my best to post again and again. I miss writing poems, composing songs and all, maybe I should write one. Later, I will. (:

That's it for now.

Good Day everyone! :)

Sorry for the wrong grammars and all, I'm drunk T_T


Disappointment is the bitter effect of expectations. I always hear at movies and especially with my friends during high school that when you got a boyfriend/girlfriend, your world would be different. You'd feel butterflies in your stomach, you can't even sleep even if you want to, you can't eat, cause your mind is full of thoughts about him/her. They even said that even after endless talking, there would be no such time where you will run out of topics. Another thing they said is that no matter how much tired you are or even how much tired your lover is, when the two of you talked, talked and talked, tiredness will fade, and both will become enthusiastic. In my mind, I'm doubtful, I'm curious. In my heart, I'm totally excited, maybe this can help me escape loneliness. And so I tried to change my fate.

I began to search and fortunately I found one. I'm so enthusiastic and eager to verify if those things they said are true. Months passed, my happiness was unparalleled. But after some time, loneliness again appears. I can feel his boredom towards me. I can feel his tiredness upon me. Every feeling he has, good or bad, it all reaches me. Harsh realities as it is, it's as if I want to break my world, and build a whole new world, but it means death in reality. Why is this world cruel? Mountain of questions I have, but only a single wish, to attain happiness, not alone, but with someone walking down the rocky road path of life with me.

It sucks to always dream, fantasize, and hope. Many times have I tried to accept this, but it's just too painful to accept. It's as if for the rest of your life, you'll be living with regrets, disappointments, and bitterness. Well, it just proves that nothing lasts forever isn't it? Even that feeling of happiness you cherish.

But what is this feeling? It is as if you're hopelessly, desperately clinging, holding on, as if you can't ever let go, and that's because you feel there's a tiny chance, a tiny hope, that even if it is tiny or a bit, even if it takes forever to happen, you're willing to hold on, to endure all pain, to persevere all hardships. Have you ever felt that way? Or is it just me? :c