cupid's arrow aimed the wrong soul.
so then it was a foul.
from this i guess cupid also has his own mistakes
for he truly aimed the other person's soul
the thing was, i passed through the angle and
in result i was the one shot in the muddle.
from that i guess im at fault too.
but it was coward of him to leave me through.
he left me falling in love with you
inspite that im the wrong person for you.
he didn't only shot me off-guard
but brought me the feeling of pain due to unwariness
and bleeding through his arrow's tip which has absolute sharpness
so it's apparent that i'm shot deeply within.
then we met, encountered, and interacted.
formed a bond that can't easily be defeated.
pains and wounds, all had been healed unconsciously.
by the trust and love that is never lost that easily.
now, that feeling is deeper than the ocean
and stronger than the wind can blow
why do weakness reveal themselves?
making us go back from the very beginning and making us part
with the unacceptable truth
that we are not made for each other from the very start.
asiding the fault of cupid that cannot be reverted and corrected
the only problem, enigma, hitch, and difficulty is one.
and all the other obstacles, im confident we'll overcome undefeated.

i feel dissatisfied, discontented and sullen.
i don't know where to start and i don`t know how to end my story.
it feels like thousand of blades are passing through me.

im surrounded by questions.
and i'll share some here.

"why was it so wrong even if the feeling is so right?"
"why do i feel lonely all along through the night?"
"why does everything goes against our away?"
"why does our distance is increasing each day?"
"why am i the one chosen to have this fate?"
"why do i have to struggle and fight my own faith?"
"why do we love each other so much?"
"why am i longing for the touch?"
"why do i feel complete?"
"why do i desire to compete?"
"why is everything falling apart?"
"why do we need to part?"

cloudy sky

Cloudy Sky
hazy, misty, gloomy, and vague
the sun hidden behind the clouds
the ray of light shining across the sea
and it's reflection amidst the water
like mirrors trapped underneath 
concealed with ambiguous gist

another day with a dark cloudy sky
along with wind of vicious gust that cries
and towers thrusting skyward
giving signs that its about to rain hard

when rain starts to drop, dusk is next
the milieu starts to fall into blackness
and soon everyone feels pensive as darkness is approaching.

we have no boundaries in our thoughts
and same for our feelings that is without bounds.
i am wondering and pondering in thoughts

why do the sun needs to hide
behind the clouds when it rains?
resembling the question
why do hopes and light needs to hide
behind those lies when it's dark and hopeless?

i am so weary to reason, contemplate and mull over
but still my curiosity to this uncertainty in life
drives me to exploring reality beyond illusory

"answer the genuine truth that lies within
don't let the mirrors trap you in
or else in your eyes and soul nothing can be seen."

by Ren


.i am called ren.
and i hate my real name, so don't bother asking.

.i am a person obviously
but i sometimes wonder how to be an alien.

.i have my own flaws and blemishes just like everyone else does.

.i have my own set of friends
and i have someone special right now as well
though having that someone with me
will cause disapproval and change of views of the other people
including some friends and family towards me.
but im ready if that happens
because i know that someone is here, with me.

by the way,
im an anime and manga addict!
im a great fan of naruto,
a story of an idiot boy who was alone at first
but along the road met his friends
and fights for them and made the person who feels alone not alone.
in summary, this is a story of friendships and not giving up!!
you can say im an otaku.
but im not a weabo nor a wapanese.
and also i am studying japanese as well as korean.
i am a great fan of Jun Matsumoto, though you may not know him.

i express myself through poems.
writing a poem is my passion.
i write and compose songs as well.
i like quotes and sayings.
i like debates. i like discussions.
i dislike boring things.

i absolutely hate criticisms and judgmental people the most.
i don't have a hobby to bully and to belittle persons.
but im bullied and belittled.
especially by the opposite gender.
and that cause my hatred and craving desire to have revenge.
but now things are in the other way around.

i talk back if i have to.
i fight back when if have to.
i'll even declare war if i have to.
especially when important persons or things are involved.

i may not be the type of person you like.

i am short-tempered, moody, talkative, hyper, crazy, silly, weird, gullible, etc.
but i have some good points too
and somewhere along the road you'll see it.

i know the feeling of loneliness
and the real feeling of being alone.
i know the feeling of being rejected and unwanted.
i know the feeling of broken, shattered, and destroyed.
i know the feeling of hating life and wanting to end it.
i know the feeling of shouldering all the problems
and having all the blame to yourself.
i know the feeling of giving up, strength lost, power drained,
and feeling empty deep inside.
i know how it feels to be inlove.
to be in the state of having different emotions
having confusion and being indecisive.
i know it because in this 14 years of life,
i have experienced it.

but i dont only have that side of my life.
i may have been engulfed by the darkness before,
now im slowly reaching the light.
now i also came to know the feeling of happiness, at last!
now i see the beauty of life, though it is still mysterious!
now i started to look things in a different way!
and its
thanks to someone out there.
and of course thanks to God.

(i am a catholic-christian~)

love me or hate me, i'm still gonna be me.
i like everyone else to acknowledge me.
i like everyone to be my friend.
and i want no one to dislike nor hate me.
i want no one to be my enemy.
as much as possible.