Some people say that it doesn't matter. Well for me, it does matter. No matter how many times we love again, nothing can compare the way we love our first one. To clarify things, don't misunderstand love with infatuation, flings, MU (mutual understanding), short term relationships like 1 month - 6 months, and the rest. Romantic love is much deeper than that. The thing is that, as time passes, the world becomes so liberated and modern to the point that love is devalued to a term that you can say to anyone of your favor or interests. So becoming a fad right now. Modernization is good, but the impact on our culture and morals is dreadful and rancid. 

Let me tell you where I'm coming from. My first boyfriend - my first love - my first man. :) 

In my perspective, I feel sullied with the thought of having another guy in my life. Not because of dirty stuffs like sex and kisses. Aint doing that till I'm marrried. Sooo, I like to reiterate what I said in my previous entries, I don't follow the thought of trial-and-error in relationships. I am up for a serious one. I am up for a till-death-do-us-part kind of relationship. I believe in marriages and I want to fulfill my role walking down the aisle someday. Traditional right? I don't care. But it is the most romantic, sincere and passionate of all.

I don't like the idea of a memory on top of another memory. I'm not fond of creating chapters of different guys in my life. I'm not intrigued towards the feeling to be held in another man's arm. I am not the type of woman who have the tendencies to get sick of a man because of the lengthy time we had and finding adventure in other man's territory. Surely I get tired, but I am not the kind who gives up. Even if I spend the rest of my life waiting for him, I don't mind. I'll just keep a blind eye to other guys who is just usually initially interested.

I don't try to fix the broken glass or something, I just clean up the mess and probably get a new glass but it doesn't mean i'll change the content of the glass, if I'm drinking water, then just put water again. After all it's what I desire. Same with hearts at that point, in case my heart is (in literary version) broken, then i will just clean up the mess and get a new heart but love the same person again. Stupid, martyr, whatever title suits me, I don't care.  After all hearts don't literally break. It just pumps blood or so I think. Lol I hope you get my point.

Moving on, I just can't accept the fact that a memory is on top of another memory cause I feel it is pretty unfair to the man you're about to love next. You'll be creating memories on top of your precious memories from your ex isn't it? To forget a memory is impossible, especially if it is your first, since it had an impact on you. Well, every time you create memories with your second you find it inevitable to think that maybe what you did is also the same from what you did with your ex. Do you get my point?

If ever in history, there will be a time, that human kind will have an option to reset their memory and clean it then maybe that is the time I'll entertain the thought of having a next relationship. Basically, I just want to start clean and pure, empty of promises and adventures, just full of excitement and curiosity, empty of romantic memories, full of love to give and share, innocent and naive, unconditional love to give and no hints for predictability. That's the perfect start of a meaningful and long-lasting relationship. Lasting love will bloom, and equal levels of love will be shared. No one loving the other more. So romantic. So sweet. So sincere. A relationship made lasting with unparalleled genuine efforts because of the virtuous, unadulterated mind, heart and soul of a human.

(there is more to this but I'm sleepy so yea, goodnight!)