Seven clash of thoughts.

by - Friday, August 27, 2010

I am wrong.
I feel remorseful.
I really regret it.

First of all,
From the bottom of my heart, I deeply regret.
From the depths of my mind, I did doubt.
And all those reasons I made, are nothing but lies.

I admit, I did feign ignorance.
I know, you had thought of vengeance.
But your love for me prevailed,
yet reaching me still failed.
How can I say sorry?
Will you still accept me?

I miss you. It's because I need you. And it is all because I love you.
That's why I was damn happy when you told me you still love me.
My mind went blank, my eyes stared into space.
Your words echoed in my mind, and so, I seriously thought about it.
But I was damn frustrated, cause my mind badly, so badly rejects you.
You know why? Because I am still trapped in the state of what you call doubt.

In my dictionary, it says it's still infatuation.
These feelings I have for you is transitory.
Yes it exists now, but later, surely it will be gone.
Hey, tell me, how shall I interpret this?
Am I now running back and forth inside a maze of confusion?
Because I can't find my way, the right way going to you.

May I know what's doubt again?
Uncertainty about the truth, actuality or existence of something?
So now going back to you, don't you have someone special already?
Going back to me, does that mean, I am wasting efforts for nothing?
Then what's this uncertainty all about? Does the truth even involves me?
Now that I think about it, no it isn't! It became a wall that I can't even break!

Damn, I can't understand what I'm saying anymore.
My mind is clouded with many clashing thoughts.
What shall I do? I am becoming insane.
Though this is a freestyle writing, does an ordinary human like you,
can even understand the meaning?

Seventh, lastly...
So infuriating, I can't find the right words to say.
Now, all I know is that I changed my perception.
About things, about the world, and about love.
It's hard to figure out. It is a continuous cycle of doubt and lies.
But that is what makes it interesting.
On how to make those doubts disappear, how to make those lies useful
into making one's love a profound evidence of distorted beauty.

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