by - Monday, October 24, 2011

Disappointment is the bitter effect of expectations. I always hear at movies and especially with my friends during high school that when you got a boyfriend/girlfriend, your world would be different. You'd feel butterflies in your stomach, you can't even sleep even if you want to, you can't eat, cause your mind is full of thoughts about him/her. They even said that even after endless talking, there would be no such time where you will run out of topics. Another thing they said is that no matter how much tired you are or even how much tired your lover is, when the two of you talked, talked and talked, tiredness will fade, and both will become enthusiastic. In my mind, I'm doubtful, I'm curious. In my heart, I'm totally excited, maybe this can help me escape loneliness. And so I tried to change my fate.

I began to search and fortunately I found one. I'm so enthusiastic and eager to verify if those things they said are true. Months passed, my happiness was unparalleled. But after some time, loneliness again appears. I can feel his boredom towards me. I can feel his tiredness upon me. Every feeling he has, good or bad, it all reaches me. Harsh realities as it is, it's as if I want to break my world, and build a whole new world, but it means death in reality. Why is this world cruel? Mountain of questions I have, but only a single wish, to attain happiness, not alone, but with someone walking down the rocky road path of life with me.

It sucks to always dream, fantasize, and hope. Many times have I tried to accept this, but it's just too painful to accept. It's as if for the rest of your life, you'll be living with regrets, disappointments, and bitterness. Well, it just proves that nothing lasts forever isn't it? Even that feeling of happiness you cherish.

But what is this feeling? It is as if you're hopelessly, desperately clinging, holding on, as if you can't ever let go, and that's because you feel there's a tiny chance, a tiny hope, that even if it is tiny or a bit, even if it takes forever to happen, you're willing to hold on, to endure all pain, to persevere all hardships. Have you ever felt that way? Or is it just me? :c

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