Blabberings.

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
and the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
and your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life everyday.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart...

well please pray for us here in Jeddah,
there's a news forecast here;
it says that there will be 5 days of continuous rain and classes may be suspended.
the thing is they said that it will reach until 8 floors.
and surely many will die :[ please pray! :[

it's 9 pm; it's been a lonely night; it's been hours since you took off
at the window here i am now staring; crying, pouring my heart out
waiting for your plane to pass; as tears continuously fall to my mouth
while sulking; was wondering what you are doing up there.
are you even thinking of me?; damn this pain's hard to bear
are you in a beauty sleep? wish you're dreaming something good
have you eaten dinner yet? wish you'll have the appetite or mood
are you cold? don't worry; just recall our memories; our love since it's warm
do you need a pillow? problem it not; imagine you're lying in me; in my arm
are you even comfortable there? hope you have me there through the night
are you enjoying? hope you were; wish you're happy through this long flight
if something happens; if you became so lonely; just summon me;
and i'll be there...

my world has now been a black and white;
i dont have the strength or power to fight.
i'll just wait and wait here for you to come back
so for the meantime i'll need to go back in track
move on with life using these nostalgia; these reminiscence
as my power to strenghten my weak; devastated existence

a lot of things happened.
i never knew it.
false premonitions. untrusted feelings.
then now i knew
i was in vain.
these harbored feelings were a mistake.
thoughts that only made me and myself suffer.
wrong and right.
now, i dont know which is this and that.
selfishness and desires crumpled.
now blind. no truth can be seen.
feelings are fault.
misunderstandings, unfounded proofs and reasoning.
unexplained matters, inevitable phenomenons.
now i've learned my lesson.
is it really like this? test first, then lesson?
it's so cruel, didn't even made us review,
didn't even teach us anything before that.
but now i know that this would be
the guide to the next tests in my life.
not surely the same test, but same feelings.
that needed to be corrected.
just like when having an ordinary exam in school.
every exams are all different, but there's one feeling,
can be excitement, can be nervousness.
which destructs our knowledge,
therefore must be changed into calmness,
and solve it with a moderate pace.
now, what should i do
to perfect the next test?
not exactly perfect, but atleast not to fail.
i won't like to end up sad and crying.
i would like to end up proud and smiling.

another unpredictable day had passed.
new problems appeared.
new challenges to defeat.
new difficulties to overcome.
im trembling with excitement,
yet agitated and frightened
another fire had began.
another sparkle added to the flame.
another moment to cherish
another lesson to learn
another pain inflicted
another smile flickered
another twinkle in the eyes
another truth between lies
another determination built up
another fighting spirit lit up
another fears ahead
another tears to shed
new feelings to be encountered
new meanings to be discovered
a new priceless thing to gain
an endless shine of sun after the rain :]

i won't allow these to happen, but what can i do if

our conversations are getting shorter,

our phone calls are disappearing.

my smiles are getting less smilish,

our goodbyes are turning in to silence,

our forever is turning in to alot shorter,

my faith is getting smaller,

my love is getting weaker,

my heart is lost,

our friendship is dying.

can we help this..or is it just life?

ywq mangyari to TT^TT. x[

having butterflies in the stomach and nervousness
is different from
being calmed and reassured!
heart skipping beats or rapid heart beats
is different from
excitement and enthusiasm

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep every night because of
thinking of you, missing you"
is different from
"having a good night sleep to be with you
in my dreams, and to have enormous energy
for tomorrow with you"

as well as thoughts like
"cannot sleep because im thinking of you"
is different from
"cannot sleep because im waiting for you"

same as the thought
"having a good night sleep to see you
in my dreams"
is different from
"having a good night sleep knowing that
you'll worry if i don't have any sleep at all"

being jealous all the time without trust
is different from
being jealous with trust
with the half thoughts same
wanting no one to get too close to your love one
but d one with without trust has a frown in his/her face
with a hard and painful feeling dealing with it
& the one with trust has a smile on his/her cheeks
with a soft though painful and happy feeling seeing her/him happy.

saying i love you without any restraints at all & without being shy
is different from
saying i love you with countless restraints and shyness.
for saying those words has a big responsibility
within it and has millions of meanings with one thought
where you are activating the pain,
preparing the mind, and planting your soul
without this,
your words has no value neither worth nor meaning

in simple thoughts, phenomenons, reasoning,
and various differentiation
we can distinguish whether
infatuation or love is what we are feeling, :]

cupid's arrow aimed the wrong soul.
so then it was a foul.
from this i guess cupid also has his own mistakes
for he truly aimed the other person's soul
the thing was, i passed through the angle and
in result i was the one shot in the muddle.
from that i guess im at fault too.
but it was coward of him to leave me through.
he left me falling in love with you
inspite that im the wrong person for you.
he didn't only shot me off-guard
but brought me the feeling of pain due to unwariness
and bleeding through his arrow's tip which has absolute sharpness
so it's apparent that i'm shot deeply within.
then we met, encountered, and interacted.
formed a bond that can't easily be defeated.
pains and wounds, all had been healed unconsciously.
by the trust and love that is never lost that easily.
now, that feeling is deeper than the ocean
and stronger than the wind can blow
why do weakness reveal themselves?
making us go back from the very beginning and making us part
with the unacceptable truth
that we are not made for each other from the very start.
asiding the fault of cupid that cannot be reverted and corrected
the only problem, enigma, hitch, and difficulty is one.
and all the other obstacles, im confident we'll overcome undefeated.

i feel dissatisfied, discontented and sullen.
i don't know where to start and i don`t know how to end my story.
it feels like thousand of blades are passing through me.

im surrounded by questions.
and i'll share some here.

"why was it so wrong even if the feeling is so right?"
"why do i feel lonely all along through the night?"
"why does everything goes against our away?"
"why does our distance is increasing each day?"
"why am i the one chosen to have this fate?"
"why do i have to struggle and fight my own faith?"
"why do we love each other so much?"
"why am i longing for the touch?"
"why do i feel complete?"
"why do i desire to compete?"
"why is everything falling apart?"
and
"why do we need to part?"

hazy, misty, gloomy, and vague

the sun hidden behind the clouds

the ray of light shining across the sea

and it's reflection amidst the water

like mirrors trapped underneath 

concealed with ambiguous gist

don't let the mirrors trap you in

or else in your eyes and soul nothing can be seen."